“The shackles of a victim: Is your past limiting your future?”
I often find myself being irritated by the modern way we look at our own behaviour. More than rarely do I hear people rationalizing why they messed up. A cause or reason justifying their behavioural patterns. A cause, really? I say blame and excuses.
We live in a conscious age where psychology has become a greater part of our lives. The modern (wo)men of the 21st century are stained by the shadow of misinterpreted self-reflection. We have become victims of our own rationality. And boy do we love to victimize ourselves.
Life is an emotional rollercoaster. Ups and downs, speedbumps and setbacks. It is the natural order of the world and all sentient life in it. For example, me being diagnosed with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) at the age of 16 I have had the privilige to see both sides of the same coin. The lack of tolerance and understanding as well as the easy way out mentality. The get-out-of-jail-free cards being tossed around like leaves in the wind.
Am I implying that your whatever-made-you-this-way is an excuse? No. Do I want you to look at your life differently? Yes. When I got diagnosed with ADD I instantly started to connect to more people with the same “fate”. And I noticed some very disturbing things. Some of them had a really big “blame-mentality”. Oh I can’t do that because of my ADD. I am where I am in my life because *justification* and I can’t change anything about it. This is not an article about ADD. This is a rant to get your life back in shape.
Your past does not define your future unless you let it.
When life hits you in the face like a brick wall the blue sky might seem a little more grey. The sun might not shine so bright and the silver lining isn’t always that present. Whether it is your relationship, education, job, friends, family or partner. Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. You will suffer at times. And you will laugh. Just know that everything that is will pass.
I do not know what hardships or handicaps you may have had to face in life, but know this. Your life right now is in direct corrolation to the accumulation of all decisions made by you over the course of your existence on this earth. There are situations you can influence and then there are those you can not. If the latter occurs, you may not be able to change the event, but you do have control over the constant factor in every shitty wrong turn of your life. What is the constant factor and biggest variable in life that may always be influenced by you? You.
Shit happens, deal with it. When things get tough you have a choice. How you respond to it. You need to understand that there is a very effective way to getting out of where you are and to where you want to be. Going cold turkey. Everywhere you go you carry a ton of dead weight along with you. Packed neatly in two suitcases chained around your neck. These two suitcases are filled with a certain content. They are called “blame” and “excuses”. It is dragging you down and keeping you from being happy.
I can’t because he/she/it did bla bla. I can’t because I am bla bla bla. Do you even hear the crap you think sometimes? This is why I rant. To help. Too many times do I see victims dragging their baggage into every situation they encounter. Blaming their sad, sad past for everything they want but don’t have.
Look there are some gruesome things in the world and sometimes really bad things happen that are not your fault. But I’m not talking about those things now am I? I am speaking of what you can influence. If you want to live your dream start being in control. Get mature. Grow a pair. Big cojones with hair on them. Start working on yourself. Or be miserable. Hey, whatever you decide you are the one that has to make the decision.
On a scale from 1-10 rate yourself once in a set while on all aspects of life. Love, business, work, passion, fun, family, friends and whatever you want. Monthly, quarterly, as long as it may float your boat. Then write down how you could get that number up, and keep evaluating. Improve, adapt, upgrade, grow, learn and evolve. You are the one with the power to change your life. Make a decision to remove the shackles and live a life free of blame and excuses. Filled with passion, dedication and humility.
I am not religious, but I will leave you with a famous quote to remind you of what you have to do. It’s called the serenity prayer and there are two versions of it. I like the alternative one the best:
“God please grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to see the difference”