I have been fascinated by the impact the books and movies of “Fifty Shades of Grey” had on society and the general concept of sex. I’ve always been a bit more open sexually and the prudish attitude most people harbor towards their sexuality has been a bothersome thing to me.
Not that I care much about the sexuality of others. It is just that I do not understand why it is all such a big deal. Both men and women watch porn. Yes so do you. And I bet you don’t always go for the soft missionairy stuff now do you? Thought so.
Now ever since these books hit the stores and the movie hit the screens people are starting to explore their darker side through “BDSM”. Let’s explore the definition first. The acronym loosely translates into “Bondage, Domination, Sadism & Masochism.
I recall this to be much more of a taboo 10 years ago. Something weird. If you were into the kinky stuff you were probably a weirdo, or you had a job in the sex industry.
Well you’re not weird. And now that it’s been on the big screen it has become publicly accepted all of a sudden. Which doesn’t surprise me since most people don’t have the balls to stand out of the crowd. Even sexually. They care about social acceptance.
So now that it is out in the open, has the time come for you to do some shopping? Clamps, restraints, ropes, whips, ball gags and what not? Yes and no.
If you feel like experimenting you are doing right by yourself. But first thing you’ve got to know is that you might really not like it. Which is fine. To each his/her own. If you want to find out, tell your partner. What I can tell you is that trying to listen more to yourself sexually and discussing this openly with your partner is the best thing that will ever happen to your sex life.
To the dungeon!
Hold your horses cowboy. You need to start slowly and learn the essentials first. If you want to explore your sexual side and find out if the dark side is really where you belong, you need to know there are some ground rules. (The force is strong in this one)
Trust, respect, boundaries, and open communication. The first thing that is an absolute must is trust. You and your partner need to fully feel comfortable talking about your sexual inclinations and have complete trust and a sense of safety with eachother. If not, please do not proceed.
You might not like some things, some things could be scary at first. So respect eachother and their bodies. Do NOT joke or rant about a sexual desire of your partner. Sharing such desires can be difficult and it is really brave of your partner to be open and honest about it with you. Treat them with respect.
Do not cross boundaries. Get a safe word if necessary. It does not matter what the word is you agree on, as long as you both agree on stopping immediatly if someone says the word. If you push someone beyond what their comfortable with, or you don’t stop you will break their trust in you. This will not just affect your sex life but also your relationship. And once you do, trust me, experimenting is history.
But the biggest and most important part is open communication. If you can not be vulnerable you will never get more out of yourself. Not just sexually, life in general. Start talking about how you feel. The things that turn you on. Do’s and Don’ts etc.
Men don’t talk about their feelings!
Yes they do you little pussy. Boys don’t talk about their feelings. Real men do. Stop believing all this macho nonsense you are fed by the media. Being a man is not about having big muscles, being women unfriendly and always acting like a big tough mean guy. It makes you look like a kid. Real women know this.
Being a man is about being “strong” indeed. Who told you you’re strong by being a shallow douchebag that is too insecure and uncomfortable to talk about their feelings? Get it? Insecure. That’s not strong. That’s being an idiot who has been fed to much crap by society.
Our greatest strength shows when we are at our most vulnerable
Once you are vulnerable you have laid all cards face-up on the table. There is no weakness anymore. Everyone already knows. And this applies to sex aswell. If you want to really have a spectacular sexlife and relationship. Get comfortable being uncomfortable.
So in summary; yes, go out and experiment with whatever you can. Start discussing your fantasies with your significant other and go to a sex shop with him/her and start browsing. Start tuning in to your inner Mr or Ms. Grey. You will thank me later.
Mr. Grey was a nickname given to me by an ex of mine. I didn’t know the books at first so I got curious what it meant: Here on getaddicted.net I go by the name “Moody” but Grey is fine aswell.
The picture are some presents I bought for my girlfriend. It’s a cologne called “Black Opium” by “Yves Saint Laurent”. On sale for around €80,- for 50ml depending on your country. The other stuff is a hard restraint kit from the Fifty Shades of Grey merchandise. You can get it for €60,- also depending on where in the world you live. Google it. 😉