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Should you settle down?
Should you settle down?

Should you settle down? 

Should you settle down?
Should you settle down?

Have you ever woken up at 1 AM with a huge hangover for the third day in a row? Have you ever wondered whether you should throw the towel in this ring called the bachelors life? Ever felt lonely and longing for companionship? You are not alone. 

This is a question the wanderlustful and weary among us haved pondered on many a days. I’m no expert when it comes to relationship advice if you look at my personal track record; three quite serious relationships that didn’t end well. Crash ‘n burn. It did teach me something though. The difference between not being able to be alone, and really wanting to settle down with someone. When you seriously fall in love for the first time everything about the new person is exciting and wonderful. Your new lover is the best thing that has ever happened to you and you’re sure he or she is your one true love. Untill they’re not. Reality hits you in the face like an anvil out of those old bugs bunny or road runner cartoons. You feel hollow, lonely and miserable.

So what do you do? You jump right in to the next relationship. And you start all over again. The only difference is that you’ve become a bit more bitter and a little less nice. You brought some bagage. As do we all. And once again the same sh*t goes wrong. Or something else. But it will hit the fan once more. Are you a failure? No. Are you a slave to your impulsive behaviour? Yes.

First, stop treating relationships like a junkie treats drugs. “Just one more high” is what you’re really doing. You need to go cold turkey and do it now. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be in a relationship. Nor am I saying you should be. Not at the moment atleast. Let’s take a closer look at it for a second.

“It takes two to Tango

If you really want to make a relationship work you should first of all understand that there are two people involved here. Sounds obvious? Yes it does. But you’re still not acting on it. The other person has their own bagage, emotions and issues as well. And that person is trying to deal with you as well. So first of all start working on you and you alone. If the two of you are an equation you are the only factor that can be influenced by yourself. Don’t try to change the other person or point your finger at them. Point it at yourself. The true key to a strong relationship is derived from experience. It is giving without expecting to take. A mentality of 100:0 instead of 50:50 in terms of percentages. Give your full hundred percent and expect none in return. 

What does this have to do with settling down? I’ll tell you. You shouldn’t expect to be able to share your life with someone else, if you’re not even able to be happy by yourself. If you secretly know the reason for being with your significant other is that you just can’t be alone, break it off. Your relationship serves no cause. You will only end up hurting your partner and yourself in the process. 

I dare you to be alone. I dare you to stop looking for what you want, and start focusing on who you want to be. When you reach that point you will know what kind of person you want to settle down with. And who you need to become in order to attract that type of person. Why should that “person” want to be with you? Turn it upside down. All of it. Start reflecting.

Once you stop searching you start attracting. And when you find yourself being comfortable by yourself, that is when you are ready to share your life with someone. 

“Now you are ready to Tango”

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About Derren

Connaisseur of life. A lover of women. Drinker of alcohol. Soothsayer and truthspeaker. Self-loathing is my repentance for every sin committed. Words are the portal through which we may reflect on our soul.

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